The days were long .. my heart and soul were heavy with an underlying anxiety. I woke up with it and went to sleep with it. It was part of my life and my body. I didn’t know what peace felt like anymore.
The day ended against my will. All I wanted was time to stop, to pull the clock and hold to the hands, so I could delay the inevitable. Just for a few more moments of peace, a makeshift peace but it was better than what was to come…
These thoughts were buzzing around my mind. The fantasy of stopping time and my life, intensified my pain.
As the day closed and night fell, my anxiety and fear grew. The darkness enveloped me and my mind refused to work. I stuffed my face with chocolates, not even tasting them.. in fact it could’ve been paper or mud it would’ve had the same effect.
I cooked dinner.
Hypervigilant…
I felt my shoulders rise, and the tension between them was taut…
Waiting…
Holding my breath… gasping for breath at intervals without even realizing it… then I heard it…..
The crunch of the gate and the whining of it being pulled open. The noise was sharp, and I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears, the competition of sounds made the bile rise into my throat…I grabbed a piece of chocolate and…
